Are the endtimes soon?

It has been a while since I have written anything. I have been anxious and paranoid and full of ennui and I really don’t know how I will get out of this present delirium dream. I have a new volunteer job a couple of times a week so I have been getting out and doing that. I have not read anything recently except a little of Outliers by a guy named Gladwell and the The Book of Revelations by John Walvoord.  I have been trying to intensively study something to get a grasp of some area of expertise but I am not sure there is much future for me studying Revelations because of where that is all heading macrocosmically as it were. I don’t think during the intensive work environment in the future third seal when you have to work all day to support your family just to put food on the table for that day I will be very strong a worker so they will probably just shoot me or something. Don’t want to give the government any ideas however. I don’t know if anyone has ever heard about the guillotines that are supposedly hidden all over America especially at these FEMA camps where Christians will supposedly be killed in the future. Some of the stuff I read on youtube I question some seems to have a grain of truth. Anyway, I should think of better things than this like what am I going to be doing in the future to improve the world’s lot. But the apparent proximity of Christ’s return causes me more doubts than hopes because I feel I am going to be left behind by the rapture and I don’t know how to put my mind around a world without Christians where the only people left are those serving themselves and the Devil. There are some who don’t see any hope after the rapture until Christ comes.

I guess I have not talked too much in the past about the endtimes at least in detail. This is how I understand it to play out. The rapture could happen at any time if you believe the conservative commentators and those who believe in a pre-tribulation rapture. The seventieth week of Daniel is sometimes called the seven year tribulation period. But actually the Bible does not give the time period a name.   These seven years whatever they are called are called in Daniel in the old testament “a week” so hence Daniel’s seventieth week because the first 69 weeks having to do with Messiah and Israel ended on Palm Sunday presumably when the palms were put before Jesus riding on the donkey entering Jerusalem. So there is a week that is not accounted for in the history so to speak and this final week will be at the end of time when a ruler from the people to come as it says in Daniel (who may or may not be the Romans or modern Europe) confirms a covenant with many and Israel. Jesus had said the generation that saw the rise of modern Israel- a miraculous rebirth of a nation whatever one thinks about the nation and I personally try to view them in a positive light-would see the beginning of these things.  People like Hal Lindsey said in The Late Great Planet Earth, the first of a number of popular books on the endtimes that he thought it would be in 40 years because somewhere in the Bible it says a generation is 40 years but like all datesetters he was wrong. According to Christ himself, even he does not know the time nor the angels in heaven only the Father.  We have been given a number of approximations throughout the Bible but no exact dates can be estimated because of subsequent interruptions in the calendar throughout the dark ages and such. We can only surmise approximately within the next score or so or more depending on the source. I realize I may be being as general as I am suggesting the dates can be. Suffice it that I have heard a number of sermons and read probably as many as 50 books on the subject so the number of examples adds up. Jesus did however say to watch and he repeated himself on that and so we can tell when things are about to come true.

According to a couple of preachers, there will eventually be a war between Israel and her surrounding nations which may or  may not be before the seven years and may or may not before the rapture.  This battle or war is not the Battle of Gog and Magog because that involves nations outside this inner ring of nations around Israel. The Battle of Gog and Magog is pictured in Ezekial 38 and 39 and maybe the beginning of Armageddon according to some or may actually happen before the seven years. This seven years I keep talking about apparently begins with Revelations 6 where a white horseman goes out conquering and to conquer. Some authorities believe that he is antichrist some believe he is Christ. Daniel says he enters in peaceably and the bow he has without an arrow possibly suggests that in 6:2 of Revelations he starts on a peace platform.

The rapture to clarify terms is a term meaning to catch up originating I believe with harpazo or to catch up in Greek I believe or possibly Latin. If you feel it is important look it up for yourself and I don’t mean to sound rude when I say that. Anyway, the rapture is where in I believe 1 Thessalonians 4 the believers are before the wrath of God is poured out taken up to the clouds where Christ is. Some think this will happen before the seven years happen perhaps several years before hand. Some think this is at the midpoint. Some think right as Jesus Christ comes at the end of this horrifying set of years that the saints will go to heaven only to come back down again on white horses with Jesus Christ.

The seven years are an unprecedented time of major upheaval. If there are saints and there are apparently some alive during that time who become Christian only to have their heads cut off which is why one should be prepared before the rapture so one hopefully can avoid these things. People talk a lot about global warming but God is about to destroy much of nature as well as man along with it because man is already destroying the earth when God judges mankind. I believe we should be good stewards and take care of the earth because at least initially God gave it to man which may have been usurped by Satan. I personally think people just want to make money on global warming truth or half-truth that it is.

If anyone disputes me please let me know what you believe concerning endtimes.

Are the endtimes soon?


I hope to hold out to you if you are a Christian a way of seeing what not to do. 20 years ago I began to drift away from God because of bitterness in my heart and perhaps it started 35 years ago to be honest. I would go over this poetry when I was in high school that I had been writing ostensibly to a girl I liked which was a lot of complaints and worshiping the creation rather than the Creator. Anyhow, I would rehearse in my mind a little poem which was Alone I stand in this land. Alone I stand forever (which obviously had little to do with the girl.) The Bible says not to let a bitter root grow up to defile many. I can think of at least two cousins I may have influenced around the age of 10 years old. I do not blame anybody but myself. I made the decisions I did.  I will have to live with my decisions perhaps eternally. My mother bless her heart tried to get me turned around but I was selfish and set in my evil heart.

If you are not Christian, I hold out to you an anodyne to soothe your pain.  Christ I was beginning to learn though I was double-minded “unstable in all my ways” was a balm of relief for myself and others but I was beginning to fall away from the principles past on to me. Those principles so long as I ever followed them never did me wrong but my heart was set on evil so I walked away from God. I now regret that having had a lot of time to think about it and a lot of suffering because of it. That only happened because of willful disobedience.

To my family I wish to say I am sorry. It makes me cry when I think about it. I am sorry that I have harmed you. I don’t expect you to love me anymore. I feel terrible. You may feel this is a sexual thing as though I might be homosexual; such is not the case. There have been people in my life who felt I was but that is not real to me.

No, what I am preparing for with all of my blogs about my apostasy is a religious departure. Though I will always tenaciously cling to Christ because I believe he is the way and the truth and the life, I feel I must look elsewhere tentatively because the Bible every time I look at it is telling me I am going to Hell no matter what I do. I hope this will not hurt anyone else’s faith which is why I am being so careful to explain that for every one else Christianity is the one true way. Perhaps indeed this is the falling away that precedes antichrist like in 1 Thessalonians.

I understand for those Christians who follow my blog if you wish to have your own departure from me I understand. I am not seeking followers among Christians in that the Bible says if you harm one of these children you will be as doomed as someone who was with a millstone tied around his neck and cast into the sea. Although you may say I already did that.

I guess what I am saying is that I am searching for something and I am now unable because of previous ways of living to be reconciled to God. Therefore if I do not quite go to other religions I must begin to think differently than what I did before.




Ide`e fixe

I am sitting in my kitchen in my little apartment here in Kansas. It is pretty frigid outside. The floor feels a little dirty under my feet because my cat eats here below the table. The table which I bought about a year back from a neighbor for twenty dollars is functional with just a bit of edge to place my laptop on or rest a book on if I am reading though the rest is covered in bills and papers and books half-read and letters to the woman I can’t send them to. Adjacent to me is the living room which likewise is covered by books and letters on notebook paper. Placed around the room are three bookshelves crammed with books half or less which I have read. One shelf has 60 notebooks with many pages missing and few pages with writing on them.

I have been writing the same woman for 8 years. If I had  sent the letters the postage would have approximately been $1500 dollars if I measure it right. I have written many manifold things to her because I cannot get her off my mind. I don’t know when the obsessiveness  will end if it ever will at all.  She is really intelligent and savvy concerning people and would probably be hostile to me if I was to send a letter to her which I am too shy to anyway. I would never hurt her. Which is why I remain silent.  I see her every where and nowhere. She is almost omniscient over my life. To a degree I think it is idolatry.

Anyway, I obsess over Revelations reading it several times a month along with myriad other books on the end times. I still am just beginning to learn even after some 20 years absorbed in such things. The best of these books is probably the reliable and exhaustive John Walvoord’s The Revelation from the 60’s. On the internet Mike Hoggard is really good on youtube.

I also read self-help books about how to improve reading comprehension and writing skills and intuition and ESP (generally) and personality types and such. My favorite of these is Paul Schele’s Photoreading and Win Wenger and Richard Poe’s The Einstein Factor. Despite what they claim they quite obviously have not made me a genius but if I was normal I think they would have improved my intelligence.

So I sit here messing with my little computer and bothering my cat and writing letters and reading about ancient characters in my classics just for the fun of it. When I am not doing that I am  suffering with paranoia and hallucinations and delusions and anxiety and obsessive-compulsion. There is no rest for the wicked not even when one does nothing with one’s time except suffer mentally. Of course even if I was not sick I would still suffer the fallout from having drifted away from God. Perhaps one is because of the other.

Ide`e fixe

Revelations 1:1

The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave unto him, to show unto his servants things which must shortly come to pass;  and he sent and signified it by his angel to his servant John,… Revelations 1:1

This will not be a complete tackling of Revelations because I do not know enough about the book outside of the 40 or so books I have read having to do with the  end times and a kind of pop eschatology. The reason I want to cover some of Revelations is that in my foolishness I have been able to see the awesomeness of God in this wonderful book. The intricate series of names of Christ which in the first chapter are some double score are amazing.I am not sure I can actually comment using what I have read elsewhere because of copyrights I have heard so.

This first fragment of a sentence from the first chapter is as awesome as anything since the opening of Genesis with “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” This is the revealing of the very kingship of Messiah as the Jews understood the coming Lion to be. What the disciples understood to be happening at the apex of Christ’s life was the overthrow of Rome and a fulfillment of certain messianic promises made by Isaiah and others through the inspiration of the Holy Ghost. No other book of scripture begins so tremendously, especially the prophets of the Old Testament. This is the actual and continuing vision of Christ himself as we will see illustrated for us in the various acts of the Apocalypse which is the word for revelation as apokalupsis or apokalypsis which indicate meaning an unveiling as a picture or a light turned on to show what was in the darkness.

We see throughout the first chapter of Revelations a whole list of characteristics packed into a dense wall of words. They describe Jesus Christ in all his glory as God of the universe who is finally going to show who is in charge after all the things ungodly sinners have said in an ungodly way concerning him and now their judgement which has not been sleeping but has been awake will overtake them.

The line of transmission apparently goes this way. From God to Jesus to an angel to the Apostle John to the churches.

In Revelations 22:18, it says anyone who adds anything to this book will have plagues from this book happen to him. So if anyone detects folly in what I am saying please let me know so I can avoid that fate. I am from a New Testament church background which is sort of like the Southern Baptist I believe or noninstrumental Churches of Christ.  (The church of my youth is instrumental a bit although I have come to believe the modern worship service with guitars and drums is kind of not what God had in mind for worship.)

I am kind of going back and forth but what I need to clarify is that Revelations is for his servants, hence how little over time men have attempted to add to Revelations in the literature of the world. Revelations has an aversion for imitators. Anyway, these servants are shown things which must shortly come to pass. Commentators go back and forth with the word shortly saying it means variously at the time of the first century or since time is different with God means in His conception of time (a day is as a thousand years and a thousand years are as a day) or last and most likely means happening at a great celerity at the time it happens which maybe in the future still.

Preterism holds that the events of Revelations happened in the first century of the Year of our Lord. I may in the future do a bit on Preterism but for now let me say I don’t believe in it. However, there is a very competent book by R.C. Sproul called The Last Days According To Jesus, which is Preterist and I am sure there are many more that take a similar tact. Jesus at times seemed to hold that the second coming would happen when the Apostles were still alive. Nevertheless, many intelligent folks on all sides whether Preterist, Futurist, Allegorical, or Historicist have put forward what seem to be reasonable arguments. I would say that I believe the arguments on the side of interpreting Revelations pretty much literally and as predominately still being in the future. However, similar prophecies in Daniel 11 may need a dusting off because current events would seem to point to modern day fulfillment.

Well, I realize this has been a rather rambling discourse on various topics but if you have differing views let me know what you think. As long  as you  don’t try to force any opinion into me I think we will be fine. We can always agree to disagree. I probably in the future will skip around the book to talk about what I want to. I hope I do not seem flippant I take God’s word extremely seriously. For those of you who don’t want to listen to my talks on Revelations I will try to label them notably so you can just skip them.

Revelations 1:1

The Truth

Really if I confront the truth in myself I have been following another Christ except the one I should for quite some time. I have known Christ in the past and I wish to return to the worship of him as savior. Is that possible? Or am I doomed because of the depth of my depravity to a life in an infernal eternity? You see I have been into pornography or girls in bikinis at least since the 7th grade and I have never really gotten away from that except for Junior year which I totally gave myself to God. I have spent some 25 or so years in the pocket of Satan. Lord I do not want to be a slave to sin any longer though it would appear I am at sin’s end. So have I waited too long? I know the blood of Christ is very powerful stuff but I also know it can be trampled on. And what about that verse which says they went out from us but because they did not stay with us we know they are not saved or something like that. Does anyone know what I am talking about? I want to be a servant of Christ if possible but if I am doomed to be an apostate who can only tear people away from Christ I pray that God would destroy me or have the rapture happen really soon.

If Satan proceeds through levels of sin then I have been transforming into a seed of Satan and I don’t have any way out except through seeking God above. I pray that God would see fit to destroy me if I can’t find him. I will let him do the work of it and will not subvert place of God as my own.  I plead however to God that He would help my heart to seek repentance and reassurance of my salvation through His beloved son my only Savior. I confess my evil before you Lord and everyone listening to me. I turn away from these sins of the lust of the eyes and the pride of life and the lust of the flesh. I have felt like you have been blessing me recently so there is that. Be with me and if not me my loved ones that their hearts will be protected from those like me and those of Belial.

The Truth

Effect of Influence

I am probably being somewhat of a mystic whatever that is in my belief about how deeply we affect each other. I believe every sin is a continual brick in Satan’s bridge to the real world and because of the increase of sin and lovelessness we all are going to reap a whirlwind in this world that is going to blow us all away. Only in our love for Christ can we discover the way out of God’s coming judgement on sinners. That is the Rapture. I happen to believe I am going to Hell in a very real way very soon. However I have not given myself over to a crowd of dissipation and drunkenness because there are teachings I preserve within.

The Nephilim are returning in these last days and will affect and influence our world in very concrete staggering ways pretty soon. If you choose to be blind to it I understand. It is really so much  easier to live in a cozy little dreamworld. I am quite serious and not being snide. I would prefer to not believe that demons have inhabited our world in the forms of vampires, aliens, giants, maneaters, witches, hybrids, centaurs, mermaids, etc. Yes, I believe all of the myths are true to one degree or another. There will be some of you who don’t want to go down the rabbit hole. If you are not a genuine Christian I  recommend you not get out of Kansas. There be witches there et al. I don’t doubt that part of my belief in these things may be delusional to the degree that I take them but that doesn’t make the foundation any less true.

One day I probably will give under persecution received at the hand of evil men, betraying my savior and losing my soul. Until then I will speak the truth the best that I can hoping Christ may give me the strength to overcome. Perhaps it is too late and Christ will say, ” depart from me I never knew you.” But I can’t live like that. I have to have a conception of hope about myself or yes I would plunge into the world not caring who I hurt or how. I care deeply for people so I can’t do that.

Effect of Influence

2 A.M.

My cat is watching out the window with curiousness. I saw a coyote slipping across the lane a couple of minutes ago. Her name is Lola the cat not the coyote. His name is probably Freddy though this is not Elm Street. There is an Elm Street in town however. He must have got lost. I hope this is not a dream. Anyway, I guess I will let these creepy feelings subside if I can. I think the vet called my cat a tabby. She is real pretty and owns the house if not the neighborhood. She has a lot of  personality. She is a long haired cat. She was born two years passed.

I live in kind of a shabby neighborhood here where the flood affected lives in 2009.  These houses or duplexes I live in are fairly nice having taken the place of water-logged homes one supposes. I have a friend we will call Perfect who had a home lost to the flood not far from here she was saying. That flood puts me in mind of Noah’s flood but  I don’t want to go off on another tangent about the end of days which must bore or terrify those who have to put up with my dreary paranoia.

Yesterday morning I went to the chiropractor after eating a Subway black forest ham and turkey sandwich with mayo. It was good and I gobbled it down while my case manager drove me. We were cutting up and I was in an unusually good mood.  My back was in need of a treatment however. Ever since I went heal up at a haunted house (which is a whole other story) I have had back problems

A storm is coming up and the wind is really picking up. I hope it is not any more hail. Well, the light are about to go out so I better end this and shut my sliding glass door. Sorry Lola.

2 A.M.