I have about decided that speed reading at my normal 250 words per minute or whatever the average is which I believe my abilities are quite average is good enough for me. I have tried various techniques and found all of them quite tedious in one way or another. Perhaps photoreading yields the most interesting results but even that tires me rather easily. I tried another technique where you read the first and last paragraph of each chapter and go back and try to fill in the blanks through perusal but I just could not make that work. Perhaps with practice it would become easier but I just don’t see the use. Anyway, I think I am smarter with my 250 wpm speed than some people who can read at phenomenal rates. I am more of a browser anyway to use the former definition of the word. Why I must expect myself to be a genius which I will never be may be from youth. It does not really matter. I don’t need to be a genius. I need to accept my faculties as they are and see myself as God sees me however scary that may be for me at times because sometimes perhaps because of my low view of God I believe He is waiting in the wings to judge me. In the meantime, I am working on my view of God and if I can change anything about myself it should be morally. I should not try to be genius but righteous.
People I suppose don’t go to Hell through lack of IQ but because of foolishness. Jesus said not to call other’s fools he may have included calling myself a fool. I should not denigrate what God has established as his holy temple. I should properly evaluate myself with all reasonableness and even-temper. I should try to be perfect if I want to follow Christ’s way knowing I will only be perfect on resurrection day should I live to see it.
Should I not live to see it because of the sin in my life how will I be able to explain that to myself for all eternity? It is a very daunting question. I always end up coming back to the eternity question scaring off I am sure many readers but I cannot seem to get away from those types of questions. I believe Hell exists somewhere right now. Even if it is not a physical fire which I believe it is how will one feel without love? God is love. All that is good comes from God therefore absence of God means no goodness in Hell. This may seem very depressing but there is actually good news. God has provided a way out of Hell. Seek it out; cherish it once you find it. Never let go I would advise you. The Truth is out there.
For quite a few years now at least since 1998 or so I have been playing off and on with a technique called image streaming and I am only now getting the hang of it a little bit. It comes from the superb book by Win Wenger called The Einstein Factor, which I am not sure how popular or well-known that book is. He probably would be upset to know I don’t follow the tape recorder or feedback loop system he has created but I do think he would be pleased to know that I think the system of image streaming generally works. I read books some scripture for instance quite deeply and I have found that by reading and writing out a description of the imagery in my head to the answer to the question I ask of my subconscious I get feedback that can be really complex at least to my limited mind and by reading between the lines and listening to subtle promptings which one gets used to through image streaming one can figure out the silver lining in the cloud so to speak.
For instance I was inexplicably able to figure out that my Bible was of the opinion that Christ does not say the words Come up hither in Revelations 4:1 because they are not in the red script which characterizes my Bible when Christ speaks they are in black. This is probably a mistake because in Chapter 1 verse 10 it says John “heard behind me a great voice as of a trumpet” just as it says in Revelations 4:1 which later in Chapter 1 proves to be the voice of Christ. This may be confusing. I have explained it to the best of my abilities. But normally I would not be smart enough to figure out something like that. I may have noted it before and just forgotten. Anyone who read my notes would not know how I got what I got. I am not even sure I know and this has happened a number of times over the years since I have been practicing it in my own way sort of.
You can of course look up Win Wenger on the web I am sure. I heartily testify that if you follow the image streaming his way it won’t take you 16 years like it kind of did me.
I hope to hold out to you if you are a Christian a way of seeing what not to do. 20 years ago I began to drift away from God because of bitterness in my heart and perhaps it started 35 years ago to be honest. I would go over this poetry when I was in high school that I had been writing ostensibly to a girl I liked which was a lot of complaints and worshiping the creation rather than the Creator. Anyhow, I would rehearse in my mind a little poem which was Alone I stand in this land. Alone I stand forever (which obviously had little to do with the girl.) The Bible says not to let a bitter root grow up to defile many. I can think of at least two cousins I may have influenced around the age of 10 years old. I do not blame anybody but myself. I made the decisions I did. I will have to live with my decisions perhaps eternally. My mother bless her heart tried to get me turned around but I was selfish and set in my evil heart.
If you are not Christian, I hold out to you an anodyne to soothe your pain. Christ I was beginning to learn though I was double-minded “unstable in all my ways” was a balm of relief for myself and others but I was beginning to fall away from the principles past on to me. Those principles so long as I ever followed them never did me wrong but my heart was set on evil so I walked away from God. I now regret that having had a lot of time to think about it and a lot of suffering because of it. That only happened because of willful disobedience.
To my family I wish to say I am sorry. It makes me cry when I think about it. I am sorry that I have harmed you. I don’t expect you to love me anymore. I feel terrible. You may feel this is a sexual thing as though I might be homosexual; such is not the case. There have been people in my life who felt I was but that is not real to me.
No, what I am preparing for with all of my blogs about my apostasy is a religious departure. Though I will always tenaciously cling to Christ because I believe he is the way and the truth and the life, I feel I must look elsewhere tentatively because the Bible every time I look at it is telling me I am going to Hell no matter what I do. I hope this will not hurt anyone else’s faith which is why I am being so careful to explain that for every one else Christianity is the one true way. Perhaps indeed this is the falling away that precedes antichrist like in 1 Thessalonians.
I understand for those Christians who follow my blog if you wish to have your own departure from me I understand. I am not seeking followers among Christians in that the Bible says if you harm one of these children you will be as doomed as someone who was with a millstone tied around his neck and cast into the sea. Although you may say I already did that.
I guess what I am saying is that I am searching for something and I am now unable because of previous ways of living to be reconciled to God. Therefore if I do not quite go to other religions I must begin to think differently than what I did before.
The precipitate haste which with my life dances a kind of a death knell is something which should give me pause. I have been wasting away for far too long and I need to set some goals about my life to take over charge of my life and begin to have a purpose deeply set in my values and my beliefs if they can be said to exist which I believe they can. They just may not be what one would expect I suppose. I have a strong distaste for abortion and the homosexual ‘rights’ which as someone recently wisely said are not going to stop until America is in ashes. I have an infant family member and she is so-loved by our family. I feel for those babies that are being lost to this terrible institution of abortion and I don’t often feel a lot. I am selfish as well like those who believe in such things so I am not saying I am better than them in these areas. I do not hate homosexuals and I do not hate pro-choice people. However, I do hate the sin and love the sinner.
I am getting away from the gist of things. Suffice it that I hold that there are concrete laws which are set in stone sometimes literally. I have not always obeyed the law none of us can say he has totally obeyed the law but I do believe that Jesus Christ frees Christians from keeping the law to the letter except through the Spirit. We should try to keep the moral law as Christ distinguished it for us and the Spirit speaks abba father to our spirit. We are not free to sin of course but I am a poor theologian. What I mean to say is my values come from the remainder of what I recall from my childhood and recent readings in scripture concerning God’s eternal, tough-minded, tender-hearted ways which may eventually judge us all which I am sure will happen.
I need to build on my interests. I need to find that one thing and master it. For awhile I thought this was end-times or eschatology. But then I realized there were better men than me who had a more intellectual and spiritual grasp of the subject like Mike Hoggard and John Walvoord and I can think of a variety of others who have made this a niche for themselves from various perspectives. So what is going to be that one thing for me? What is going to be my niche? I have written 99 blogs and I still do not know.
And perhaps who knows it is like someone recently said about whispering that it has to do with familiar spirits and that just happens to be my blog name. Things are getting spooky now. wooo… But certainly if that is true I cannot expect any authentic Christians to follow my blog. If I have to believe that I am causing harm to people than I just may give up the blog.
No one should take as truth those who say truth is not knowable because then that truth would be unknown. I am not personally educated enough to know if relativity as discovered by Einstein is a basis for the relative nature of modern beliefs. I have heard there is a similarity. But for me I do not need to understand which I am too lazy not too unintelligent to do these relativity special and general to feel I can make an assessment about relativity as regards morals. Perhaps the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle which may not have to do with Einstein is relevant to the discussion of relative ethics being that truth would appear to change with the observer and his method of observing but I am honestly out of my element when it comes to science. However, I think that the truth of the Bible is straight-forward enough to knock relativity out without exhaustively exploring relativity’s origins.
The Bible has a very strong record after years and years of attacks of all sorts which have perhaps undermined some peoples’ beliefs but not the bedrock truth of the word as transmitted through 40 some authors over hundreds of years. Numerous scrolls and records have brought faithfully down to us the complete word of God with no errors of any consequence even as I believe no errors at all. A strong mind can adequately explain any supposed discrepancy in the Bible. Even those things which are difficult to explain are if one waits long enough in one’s life explainable eventually by some turn in archaeology or textual analysis of a brighter mind or when explained by the Holy Ghost. To anyone who believes in the Apocrypha I challenge anyone to compare these books to the other books in the Bible. I think you will find they contradict and are not substantive enough as truth to be joined with the rest of scripture. There are other books as well especially the Gospel of Thomas which is no gospel at all when compared to the sturdy backbone of the canonical gospels.
The truth is out there to quote the X-files. But will you find it? You will if you seek it with all your heart and all your mind and all your strength. Ask God to reveal the truth and prudently and soberly study the evidence of scripture.
I am talking to a variety of people some Christian, some nonreligious but I think possibly I can speak something positive to both. I know a few things about the Bible anyone who is familiar with that book will be able to see in my writings and am intimately tied to Christianity whether Christians like it or not and whether or not I am one or not. Perhaps indeed someday Jesus will say depart from me for I never knew you. I am unsure on all those counts. And there is too the concern that where the Spirit is not how can anyone profit spiritually. I am only too aware of all these considerations.
I must proceed from where I am. I have recently been given to think about the self-sacrificial quality of Christ and whether or not people pleasing should be our response to that example. The self-denying life I am referencing is that supposed nobility which says I have to be constantly trying to save my self-image by doing what pleases others. I am not attacking being a servant like Christ in all love and affection of brotherhood. I am saying that we tend to think we need to care about what other people think and I am not sure that is right. Yes, we should care about how they think about our example. If one is truly Christian one will naturally reflect Christ according to the Bible and will have one’s basis in him. If one is irreligious then you should probably take a harmonizing approach between martyr and absolute psychopath. We should not try to base ourselves on what others thoughts are because we can never control other’s thoughts nor can we always avoid criticism.
I think there is a difference between being an example of Christianity and being an example of one’s self-image which is linked to selfishness in the end. I am trying to break loose from my needs of self and yet be a good example in regard to my family and friends. As the Bible says think soberly. How is your identity as a do-gooder tied to being your real self? The heart is desperately wicked but we need to express ourselves with the law of conscience and the word guarding our expressions in all authenticity of self and in all congruence with who we really are as long as that does not violate those examples set for us by the laws of God.
In concluding, I wish to say that Christianity in it’s purest form is all about service but there is a point at which service becomes selfishness and that has nothing to do with God. There is kind of a fine dividing line. Are we pleasing others or are we pleasing God? We need to evaluate ourselves and reflect on the example of the Bible. I would even recommend this for the nonreligious. Try the Bible out. Mull it over. If you know a Christian ask for their help. Don’t fear the truth. Seek it out. It cannot hurt you. It may just be what your looking for.
Jesus Christ is the only proper way to God. That I know and hopefully believe. But I am a sensual man as the Bible says devoid of the spirit. So what can I effect in the life of unbelievers? Jesus said “Verily, verily, I say unto you he that believeth on me hath everlasting life.” John 6:47 When Christ rose from the grave he proved to skeptical disciples that he had indeed been the savior of the whole world through his death and resurrection. The existence of the church is evidence that they took this to heart and subsequently recorded what the Spirit had them record of Jesus’ life and appearances after his resurrection and all of the things in Acts and Paul’s writings and the other apostles’ writings that were consistent with the rest of the word of God because they authentically came from God and the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ. The 66 books of the Bible are internally consistent and support one another. No other books not the Book of Enoch not the Gospel of Thomas or the Book of Jubilees or any other book out there is possibly canonical when these self-evidential books (the 66) are so thoroughly testified by everyone of note or any authority in the past 20 centuries or more. Their greatest authority is what they testify about themselves and our savior and his advocacy through them.
Christ laid himself down of his own free will. No one could take his life from him lest he let them. “Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends.” This was talking about Jesus not necessarily about heroes of war. Christ was the pure lamb taken and murdered by sinners and that is not just Jewish responsibility but the onus of us all. We all have our hand in Jesus’ death not to lay guilt trips on us but Christ has made us new creatures we should behave like it. We need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.