There is a slight breeze wafting through the open sliding glass door and I am seated indian style on my old quilt. I am always slightly wary to keep just the screen door between me and nature and the people one could imagine to be out there wanting to perhaps violate the sanctity of my home, however, I feel this is a reasonably safe place to live and I should be able to fend off any attackers to my domicile. We live in a violent age not unlike the days of Noah but for now things in my neighborhood seem safe.
Is not that a terrible thing to say? There used to be a time when you could leave your car or apartment unlocked at least so I have heard. But maybe that time is so far gone it is ridiculous to talk about now. Maybe nostalgia is getting the best of me. Perhaps I cannot even call it my nostalgia but the nostalgia of my parents or something I observed in old movies. Are these my memories or someone else’s? My mind has not been clear about these things for sometime. Indeed, can I really say until someone violates my house that there is even such a thing as violent brigands who would dare to enter this abode or attack me?
Perhaps what I need to think about is a balanced realism. I need to evaluate my environment and take necessary precautions within reason. So what would be a wise purview? I have heard from one of my neighbors who I do not think would lie that people walk all night up and down the street beside my house. However, in all the time I have kept my door open I have only seen two or three people in the five years I have lived here. So what need I think? I am not always looking outside when I have my door slid open with only a screen door between me and nature so perhaps a middle ground could be figured out. There are probably some people out at night.
So what I should probably do is choose times to keep the door open when people are probably not out and about like when it is cold or snowy or rainy or unfavorable in some way. The only thing is I do not feel free in my own home and I prefer to have the door open when it is nice outside. So I find that there is a distortion between what I want to feel is safe and what I feel is safe. I am not sure that is real clear even to me. I guess what I am trying to say is that my thoughts about the facts are rather shadowy and indistinct. Thus fears arise which are unfounded on reality and just as illusory which take me in terrible directions. So I am learning to change my thoughts as they come along so that when a fact arises to influence a thought I will be able to change how I feel.
But how do I apply that to my situation with my fears of society?