I have been very proud of myself and arrogant without cause for many years. I have been puffed up in my knowledge of things scriptural, literary, cinematic, etc. but the truth is I have only a dusting of these and they are as dust. I have no reason to exalt myself at all compared to others especially to my maker who gave me what little experience I have of these things. Even now I feel puffed up at my writing skill which is as filthy rags. I am selfish. I use I way to much like the terrible writer I am. My time has been wasted in the past 20 years spent sleeping off my medications and my general irresponsibility. The Bible says he who does not work does not eat. Though I may have mental illness, I still should have tried more earnestly to get a job because I am sure if I had set my mind to it I could have worked despite the inevitable fears and paranoia. My mind is constantly filled with evil imaginations and the lust of naked women. I have been simple and void of understanding. Strange women have pulled me into the pit because I sought them out.
God before I harm another hair on anyone’s head I pray that your will would be done concerning me. If my destiny is only wickedness I ask that you would pore me out with all my wickedness that people would see how evil I really am and see the folly of their own ways within me and turn to you not because of something I accomplish but through your Holy Spirit. Humble me if you have to give me 50 lashes minus one. Take my possessions and my books of self-exalted knowledge and my movies which are pleasant to the eyes from me. Take all my materials from me and my health which I pride in physically and intellectually.
All I ask for is one mustard seed of faith. One splinter of your dear son’s cross to bear in my flesh to remind me of your wondrous salvation and how tragically and abominably I have parted from your holy ways. Your son is the only way to heaven. There is only one way, one truth, one life and that is you Jesus Christ.