Waiting for the divine afflatus is sometimes a real humdinger. Hopefully, the inspiration comes from the one true God. Or perhaps I shouldn’t try to be inspired by a deity just the source within whatever particular bit of spirit that is. Afflatus is a word I read in a dictionary somewhere. There is probably some particular discipline surrounding it. A system of rules or a line of usage that facilitate its connotation in a passage that I don’t have cognizance of. Afflatus means according to I think the OED on my kindle a divine creative impulse or inspiration. I could wait forever for a divine impulse from God and I am probably already under the influence of various evil spirits which though not divine are in some way supernatural and could be said to inspire. But I would rather not be a medium or warlock or sorcerer and would rather think my own spirit was capable of its own amount of inspiration from within. I know the Bible says the heart is desperately wicked above all things so maybe I shouldn’t blame everything on a spiritual source. Maybe I cause my own bit of evil or insanity.
I do not want to confuse brain malfunction with maleficence. These are widely divergent ideas and though occasionally one may lead to the other. I don’t think that is often the case. I feel a lot safer in an insanity ward than I do in some cities even here in quaint little Kansas. I feel the average Joe or Jane out there is more abnormal than the average schizophrenic.
Anyway, I want to be positive and say I am okay if you are okay. I want to stretch out with my feelings of positivity and say their is unlimited potential within us all as long as we haven’t exchanged humanity for something supposedly higher DNA wise. The Bible promises for the authentic Christian heavenly treasures and mansions and expansive spiritual reality to come. Perhaps I no longer have that coming my way. But I must believe in good and hate evil. Of course the Bible talks about hating what is good and loving what is evil and not knowing the difference. I am susceptible to that.
I feel like maybe I am in a lost battle with my heart and I know that it is lost and I cannot get a feeling of clarity or awareness or mindfulness. Why I should want such a thing I don’t know or even if that has any meaning beyond the superfluous. My heart is disturbed is all I know and I know only Christ can offer me any peace in this old world. Perhaps that is the only divine inspiring I have.