Really if I confront the truth in myself I have been following another Christ except the one I should for quite some time. I have known Christ in the past and I wish to return to the worship of him as savior. Is that possible? Or am I doomed because of the depth of my depravity to a life in an infernal eternity? You see I have been into pornography or girls in bikinis at least since the 7th grade and I have never really gotten away from that except for Junior year which I totally gave myself to God. I have spent some 25 or so years in the pocket of Satan. Lord I do not want to be a slave to sin any longer though it would appear I am at sin’s end. So have I waited too long? I know the blood of Christ is very powerful stuff but I also know it can be trampled on. And what about that verse which says they went out from us but because they did not stay with us we know they are not saved or something like that. Does anyone know what I am talking about? I want to be a servant of Christ if possible but if I am doomed to be an apostate who can only tear people away from Christ I pray that God would destroy me or have the rapture happen really soon.
If Satan proceeds through levels of sin then I have been transforming into a seed of Satan and I don’t have any way out except through seeking God above. I pray that God would see fit to destroy me if I can’t find him. I will let him do the work of it and will not subvert place of God as my own. I plead however to God that He would help my heart to seek repentance and reassurance of my salvation through His beloved son my only Savior. I confess my evil before you Lord and everyone listening to me. I turn away from these sins of the lust of the eyes and the pride of life and the lust of the flesh. I have felt like you have been blessing me recently so there is that. Be with me and if not me my loved ones that their hearts will be protected from those like me and those of Belial.