I am flawed in that I am not very good at being intimate with people. I try to get to know people in a sense that is close and personal but I remain far away and don’t end up knowing anyone and feel lonely all the time.I think modern life really induces one to stay distant from people because of the ubiquitous presence of lust in our lives and because of the violence which threatens to break out at the least little event of mistrust or animus. I do not feel that I offer any violence toward the world and am pretty laid-back though I will fight for my loved ones I at least hope though I have never had to. I have almost always loved everyone as far as I can remember. I do not recall hating anyone for too long which Christ said not to hate your enemy but to love and we know love is patient, love is kind.
So I am still looking for love which is tender and giving and open and female. I am really looking for a pal first of all and always who I can trust and talk to without her getting all angry and without going off on a tiff at the least little thing. Not that that has happened to often in this life. I am feeling really raw and rundown and alone and rejected and weary. I guess it may be that way until the very end of my life since I am 40 and have had only one 2 year relationship in 40 years. I am not even talking about sexual relationships really because I prefer most of the time not to get intimate sexually because my mind is rather empty of sex fantasies because of lack of hormones I guess. I love females however and wish to get to know someone female because I am sorry you homosexuals out there I like females as the best thing this world has to offer.