The above title is from a Coleridgean poem the wonderful “Kublai Khan” which he supposedly wrote in his sleep when a visitor from Porlock came and visited him after he awoke and was trying to write it down and forgot a bunch of the lines. Wouldn’t you feel terrible if you were the person from Porlock. You interrupted the writing of one of the world’s great poems. What is meandering but Alph the sacred river running through caverns measureless to man. He writes of “A damsel with a dulcimer in a vision once I saw, She was an Abyssinian maid and on her dulcimer she played singing of Mount Abora.” I quote from memory so I may have some of the lines wrong.
That is kind of what I am doing dreaming of finding a woman who can stand me and yet as I have been told perhaps that would be just more problems. Anyway, I never could stand the sound of an old twaddling dulcimer. At this point I wish I could be friends with anyone who didn’t misuse my friendship. If you have a dulcimer bring it along. I am not saying you won’t have a friend in me. Hopefully we can talk movies and other things too. Maybe a little poetry. Some people erroneously think poetry is for sissies and if you read things like Howl maybe that is true which I only know by reputation. Some people who think they are funny and like to irritate me (and I think I know who they are) enter me in like the Allan Ginsberg club which can only be for gay people. They know I have had problems with my identity 15 years ago so they assume they can hurt me. Well, I know I am not the most virile of men but I am not milquetoast either. As DeNiro says “You never got me down, Ray. You never got me down.” So you can throw all the punches you want and you may be able to get me down but I will get right back up. Perhaps I fight a paper tiger if I know what that means. Perhaps it is fueled this thinking by my paranoid schizophrenia or just paranoia which comes from having to deal with bullies in high school. They mostly left me alone but I saw others bullied and that hurt worse I think. I think the government is about to become a great bully toward Christians (which I don’t want to claim to be if that only brings disrepute to Christ who doesn’t deserve that from me). They will be able to hold their own because of who they have on their side. God. They don’t need my support but I do hope many hopes for them.