I have lost interest in my movies recently. I don’t think it permanent; my feelings about them come and go. But I know my creation science teacher at college said Darwin when he grew older lost his love of Shakespeare supposedly because he chose to believe something like evolution. I don’t believe in evolution but I do feel far from God with no way back. Perhaps the things which make me happy are losing their hold on me. But I also have a mental illness so perhaps that has something to do with it. A lot of the time things that I have heard religiously have been amplified in my head and thus involve my schizophrenia. I tend to have a narrow focus on a select variety of verses which damn me and do not pay attention to the ones that free me. To prove that I will tell you that automatically my mind goes to a verse which says “they have a form of godliness but deny the power thereof.” This is found in 2 Timothy 3. I soon find myself in mental restraints like a physical straight-jacket going back and forth within my mind bouncing off other verses. You have been saved by grace through faith though not of yourselves lest any one should boast. Et cetera.
My apathy however is also extending to books. I am halfway through The Portrait of a Lady. Still. I am proceeding at about a pace of a chapter a week. It is enjoyable reading however when I read I just can’t get any farther than a few pages. I have no willpower. I think I need a new hobby. Something besides reading, writing and watching. Kind of like Churchill did with painting. But it can’t be anything like painting though. I can see my cat all sorts of colors as well as my carpet. It would be strange to have a blue or purple cat. She would be a sky-kissed cat.
I did manage to watch a movie A Most Wanted Man I think it was called with one of the final performances of Philip Seymour Hoffman perhaps and Rachel McAdams who is a darling in everything though she is more suited to something less serious like The Notebook. She has very large eyes which are an asset for her and has a contagious joy captured in some of her other stuff. Maybe she is trying to get away from form.
Maybe what I need is the right movie to get me out of the quagmire. I have been so worried about our economy and president’s choices. I have got my movies right here. I am looking. I feel like maybe Black Swan or Australia or American Hustle. Something with vibrancy of heart and with the warm embracing emotion of a female sensibility which is always so charming in movies. I am talking of course not about its direction but its acting. Like Lady Catherine in Australia and the wonderful Nina the glorious black swan and Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence in the film by David O. Russell. There is something about Rachel and these ladies.