Here I am in my citadel holding off demons from my city. I do this spiritually not by occult methods but by prayer to the Lord. I see the demons sometimes but I would rather not talk to deeply about it because I am afraid that that confirms their hold on me or my loved ones. I care deeply about whom I affect. Perhaps I take them too seriously but they talk to me through other people and sensory modalities and the images in my own mind. Sometimes I get caught up in those images. Because I have schizophrenia from what I understand if I can be said to have that disease I have rather intense hypnagogic imagery at times like faces appearing and voices occurring. During the day I have songs in my left ear which partially at times sound like real songs. These no longer bother me much. I realize that hypnagogic imagery are not schizophrenia but those who have them are more prone to it from what I understand. I have visions at other times, besides those I see waking from sleep, quite frequently.
I always have this feeling that my heart is in some way constricted and has a snake coiled there ready to strike. This is a feeling of despair and loneliness and ache which only love removes. Especially love in the form of female touch and adoration and beauty. I don’t always understand how it works exactly.
You out there in the dark are you lonely? I am and I think I have found a love. So maybe this feeling is temporary. It has already begun to fade.